eModel Magazine.Com - Article Ye Olde In and Out

YE OLDE IN AND OUT with Fredi Mack and Fani May

eModel is pleased to announce the arrival of sexperts (that’s what they insist on calling themselves but if you’ve ever seen them you’d wonder why) Fredi Mack and Fani May. Fredi “The Sage of the Shtup” Mack is known for his pioneering research into the orgasm of the female wolverine. Fani “Don’t Call Me Maggie” May is an equally accomplished “scientist” and author of such volumes of coital counsel as “When a Man Loves a Woman but Only Because He Has Low Self-Esteem and Confuses Love with Sex and Sex with Self-Worth” and “Ex-Why?” Each month, or whenever they feel like it, Fredi and Fani will offer their unique perspective on various questions submitted by curious men or men posing as women but not fooling anyone. For the record, it should be noted that Fredi and Fani were married for a term of no less than eight years.

How do you know when you’re in love? –Anonymous

FM: Oh, what is love? That is the question that has plagued us since the dawn of time. How can something so simple be so difficult to explain? The fundamental irony is that you have to be in love to know what love is, but to be in love is to be free of the doubt that is knowledge. Therefore, most of us don’t know until it’s too late.

FM: If you lay awake all night thinking about someone, if every moment you are obsessed with their presence, their scent, their touch, then you’re in love… or prison.

There’s a girl at work that I work with and I’d really like to ask her out. How can I do so and still save face if she says no? –Anonymous

FM: That’s a very good question, Anonymous. Office romances can be tricky, and office rejections are even pricklier. Before you make your move make sure that she is receptive to your hints. Drop subtle clues like “What do you look for in a man and am I the kind of guy you would be attracted to?” If she doesn’t seem interested, she’s probably not interested and you shouldn’t try hitting on her. If she is interested, then she’s probably interested and you don’t have to worry about getting turned down.

FM: That’s absolutely ridiculous. If she seems interested, she’s obviously not interested, and if she doesn’t seem interested then she is most certainly interested; but if that’s the case, better to back off. Who wants to be with someone that wants them anyway?

My girlfriend and I have intercourse three times a week. Are we normal? –Anon09

FM: I’ve never met you, Anon09, so I don’t know if you’re normal, but you sound all right to me.

FM: Intercourse? You kiss your girlfriend with that mouth? It was either Benjamin Franklin or Dr. Ruth who said something like “Time spent asking about it is not time spent doing it.”

FM: That’s not it at all. It has to do with graves.

FM: Are you advocating necrophilia?

FM: No! You’re a complete idiot.

FM: No, you’re an idiot.

FM: Idiot.

I’m the middle linebacker on my high school’s football team. I can run 4.4 40, bench press 225 lbs. 25 times and I have a 40-inch vertical leap. I’m also uncircumcised. The other players are cut, and I feel awkward showering around them. What should I do? –AnyMs

FM: Many men… I can’t believe I’m still working with this hack.

FM: Why are you taking this out on me now? Isn’t it bad enough that you sucked my soul dry for eight years?

FM: Nine years, seven months and eleven days if you count the time we met up until the present.

FM: Since I met you I’ve done nothing but count the hours.

FM: Really, because I didn’t know that you had the ability to…

That’s all the time we have for this installment. If you have a question for Fredi and Fani, whisper it to the wind.

To read the more articles plus see all the exclusive sets of images subscribe to eModel Magazine.Com for yearly for FREE!

Want to become an eModel? eModel Magazine is currently looking for models for upcoming issues of our digital e-zine. submit a picture to us by email by clicking Casting

YE OLDE IN AND OUT with Fredi Mack and Fani May